I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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