it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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