And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
