He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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