weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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