Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
