I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
