I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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