Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize