Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
