Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
