i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize