just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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