my room smells like sperm. sweet.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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