i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
