if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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