well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
