It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
