there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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