If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
