It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
There's even glitter on my cock...
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