Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
