just tell him i said nine months
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
