While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
