Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize