im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
