told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
