sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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