hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
