she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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