i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
