Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
