We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
