whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
