Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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