how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
