WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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