at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
