i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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