the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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