My friends, they love my intelligence
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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