Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
