You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
