i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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