Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I will be naked everywhere
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
