Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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