Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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