I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
