so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
