i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
