if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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