well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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