He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
