the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
