my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize