Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
