i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
