Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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