No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
