"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize