I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The best revenge is premature balding
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
