so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
