I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my shit smells like andre
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
