I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
