You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
