i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Please don't give away my fajitas
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
