your thong is hanging out like whoa
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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