is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
