I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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