areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
