you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
