Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
