you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
