Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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