Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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