she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
