He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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