Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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