It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
