It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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