so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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