Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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