on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
My Higher Power is John Stamos
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
