no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
