So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
