dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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