bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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