You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize