dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
