The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
