I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
