I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
