my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she smelled like a LAN party
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
