No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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