Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
