is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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