If that was your dad, he is hot
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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