Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
