Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
