I'm gonna have a badass scar
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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