He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Found the puke drawer
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
