My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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