I wish you could order shots online.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
