Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
