i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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