i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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