I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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